October 19, 2012

Why Can't I Eat Cake?

Maybe it is my depression or the cravings that come with one's dedication for eating well (a.k.a. vegetables and all that's wholesome and, at times, completely dull) but I'm craving a Duncan Hines homemade cake with canned white icing...and a fork. If you have been a visitor to this blog in the past (thank you for that), you will know my tenacious fantasy of taking a fork to a cake (as defined above) and starting from the center. Is that so wrong? I have yet to do it, but perhaps my 45th birthday will deliver me into a deep abyss of dispair and grief that will motivate me to do such a drastic thing (and, of course, I'll blog about it along with pics).

It's true, I don't want a muffin top. I hate that feeling of muffin toppage spilling out over my belt. Any motion arouses it and it gets in the way of the slightest movements. So it is a necessary sacrifice, then, to avoid cake or any cake-like product (for the most part). But it sucks when all I want to do is pick up a Hostess Twinkle from the gas station "grocery store" and scarf it down as I make the drive home (with Twinkie on my face and crumbs in my lap).

If you have read my post on depression and behaviour change, I apologize for repeating myself.  BUT...if you have committed yourself to a life of healthy eating and find yourself at an unplanned pitty party, it will be everything to hold on tight to your goals without deviating towards the pastry aisle. I have to say, I've done pretty well for myself (having found an amazing recipe for home made peanut butter cups on line that have about 85 calories per cup in them...more on that later)...although I did get into the bottle of Cool Whip (I don't need to get into that later). 

Today, however, I'm tired, bored, uninspired, need a sunny vacation, and am craving cake. At this moment, I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other; the angel is winning so far, but I expect my devil to deliver a few bitch slaps sooner than later. My plan is to go to the college and teach my course (picking up bags of Smarties along the way - all for a group cohesion exercise in class....really....I promise) and then home to make a healthy dinner of salmon and veggies.

My point is...and I do have one...even for the professional behaviour change people, like myself, it's always difficult to keep to your goals when you feel like putting on the sweat pants and stuffing your face full of high-fructose corn syrup.  It's all about the baby steps. If I can just make it the rest of the day without inhaling sugar, lard, and fat...I'll be good.

...at least until tomorrow.


PS. I ended up buying bags of candy for the class only to have a few bags left over....(nuff said?)

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