May 7, 2012

Those Pesky Feelings of "I don't give a crap!"

It's days like these when I would love
to see this posted up in the ladies
washroom....what a great idea!
Something's wrong. I can't put my finger on it but I'm not right in the head (and haven't been for a few days now).  I just put my workout gear on, stood on the elliptical trainer for about 5 minutes and got off only to lay down on the cold tile and fall asleep.  If I had any less energy I would be moving backwards.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week now. I go to bed tired but lay awake for hours. I even barked back at the neighbour's dog the other night....and never heard from him again (I hope he's okay). This isn't like me, I used to take great pride in my ability to sleep 8 hours a night. Now, I'm lucky if I get 4 good ones. Today, I found myself sitting in the ladies room again with my head in my lap (yes, I'm that not really)....just sitting. I am sensing a level of frustration higher than my usual and I have less patience for stupid people (just kidding....he he he).  At this moment in time...I just don't give a crap.

I know myself enough to understand that there's something looming under my surely and negative demeanor but I can't figure out what. I don't have any stressors at work; I love my job. I am happy with my man friend; although I wouldn't mind a few uninterrupted days together on sandy beach with a Margarita in one hand and Bahama Momma in the other.  Nope...can't think of a thing. But what I wouldn't give for a glass of my favorite red wine and a big plate of nachos (swimming in melted cheese). In fact, it wouldn't be that hard to make a pit stop at the local grocery story en route home tonite and share my drive home with my favorite colourful couple....M and M. 

Does anyone else relate to this....anyone? If I were sick, I could easily go home to bed and do what it takes to get better. If I were injured I could rest, ice, compress, and elevate...but this is just too stupid and pointless (of course, I realize it isn't...hence my blog post today).  Emotions can really kick the crap out of us at times. They can influence how we view the world and act in it. They can motivate us to eat like crap or to wear our seat belt. They spread like a super bug to everyone else and can really make a difference to the space we all share. More importantly, they can throw a wrench in your meal and exercise plans. If you think about it, emotions really are in control of a lot of our health behaviour. So how does one "control" their emotions? (at this moment, I haven't got an answer for that....I was sincerely asking the question)

Could it be hormonal? Possibly. Could it be the weather (another rainy and cloudy spring)? I wouldn't doubt it. Could it be chronic boredom (small towns suck in bad weather)?  Naaaaaah.....It could be quite possible that I'm simply deficient in sugar, fat, and icing. 

Tomorrow morning before I leave the bed, I will repeat this over and over to myself.  With my luck, I'll just end up with a brutal craving for fries.....(I know...bad attitude).
 Whatever. I'll just go home, make dinner, sit quietly, and wait for it to pass....if a couple of cookies pull up a chair next to me and start chatting, I am not responsible for my behaviour.

More to follow...



  1. Ok so, health nut not so much.
    Changed eating habits YES.
    Lost lots of weight YES.
    Feel better YES.
    But stuck in this wheel chair for 6 weeks after knee surgery and I am going to admit it.... I ATE ICE CREAM. TWICE!
    Did not sleep a wink each night but while I was eating it - I WAS HAPPY!
    But just for those few moments was it worth the fall from my self mandated exile from fun food - YES YES YES!

  2. ...and for the record, so my wonderful readership can learn more...WHO was your coach throughout all this?


  3. That of course would be the amazing Kathi Cameron! Slow but steady, take the advice, use what you can as you can and voila.... I am 12 pounds lighter, sleep better and I am less angry! My hubby loves that part!
    (the other K)