May 22, 2012

Embracing My Muffin Top

What a least SHE
ages too. I wonder if they
will produce a "Muffin Top
Barbie". I betcha that would
be their best seller!
I"ve already had it with aging. I've just turned 44 frickin years old (OMG...I can't believe I'm 44) and every damn day I look in the mirror, I see some new wrinkle popping up where I never thought wrinkles could go. I believe if I took a time lapse film of myself for only a week, you would be able to see the skin slowly slide down my face like it's wax and I'm on fire. What-the-hell? Nobody prepares you for this! So I've decided I'm not too proud for plastic surgery. Just a small suck here and a tiny tuck there...but I doubt I have the stomach for it (pardon the pun).

Speaking of muffin top, I believe, is here to stay. I have bitched about it before, and I'll bitch about it again.  If you have a muffin top, you may understand the vicious cycle that ultimately goes hand in hand with one. You bemoan your muffin top all day (perhaps you are sitting at your desk and feeling it pour over your pants), your muffin top thoughts consume you until the drive home where you decide to soothe your emotional upset with a nice bag of Doritos. For me, it's wine....last night it was Tequila (good, Mexican, flavoured Tequila)....and a bag of Crispy Minis (gross)...and Greek Yogurt (made me sick...still paying for that one). I go to bed cradling my muffin top like one would cradle a small child and wake up to a teenager (a bigger, wider, and wigglier muffin top). The cycle begins again.

So maybe I just have to work on embracing my muffin top and I may break the cycle. If I could just see the positives of having one, maybe I would feel better. For example, if it gets a bit bigger, I will never be without a place to put my drink. I will always have something to lean on and at night, something to cuddle. I could always name it and never feel alone again. Embrace the positive!

In all seriousness, I find it very fascinating that when/if we (the global we) get depressed by the shape of our bodies, many of us react by eating emotionally. It is a very vicious cycle and one that I cannot figure out how to break. Even when I know I'm eating emotionally...I continue to do so. The only difference is my ability to recognize it, to even announce it to others (or to the poor gas station grocery store guy who is selling me my ice cream, chips, pizza, and full sugar Coke....kidding...sort of). 

And there begins the vicious cycle of the Muffin Top.

I have no answers for any of this, but I do promise, when I become a counselor, I will be focusing on the emotional stresses of aging for women. I will work with women as they leave their youth and move into middle age (complete with the baggage and chin fat).  Could you imagine support groups for this? A group of women going through the aging process bitching, laughing, telling stories, and eating lots and lots of chocolate. Now THAT's a group I want to belong to.

It would help if magazines would show the true results of their products and aging, but I don't believe it will EVER happen. Unless you pickle yourself, there is no way you can have skin like a 20 year old at 50. I'm getting tired of the Demi Moore's and Madonna's of the world making it look like nothing to keep your youthful good looks (when the ugly side of it is they work at it 8 hours a day).  Don't tell me that's not exhausting.  Maybe happiness means loving your panus, loving your wrinkles, and spending time with those that make you laugh. Whatever...


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