January 18, 2012

I need a good kick in the bum!

This was one of my favorite classes; "Thriller Fit". We learned
and danced the Thriller dance together for weeks. I never
had to peel my bum of a chair to get motivated for this one.
Seriously. I have been a fitness leader, in front of the class, jumping up and down with excitement for over 20 years (the last few years have been less jumping and more marching..but whatever). Yet I sit here in my comfortable office chair listing reasons why I shouldn't get dressed in my "gym strip" and march into the cardio room. It's cold. I'm tired. I can go one more day. If I don't go today, I'll work extra hard tomorrow. Sound familiar?

After all my experience, passion, and training I have as a fitness professional...I still didn't turn out to be one of those lovers of exercise. I do, however, jump out of bed if I know I'm going to a spin class or look forward to getting on my bike for a spring / summer ride...so what is it about today? To be honest, I hate the gym. I'm hating it more and more. In fact, my private gym membership just expired and I cancelled it. I walked out of that private fitness center feeling 100 lbs lighter...and didn't break a sweat. Wouldn't that be the best advertising for a fitness center? "Loose over 100 pounds by cancelling your gym membership!"

What is it about the gym that makes me sick? You could start by defining the smell. A mixture of cleaning solution, sweat, old workout clothes that haven't been taken home for a wash for months, and perfume. Don't you hate it when you are having a great workout and someone steps on the machine next to you and stinks of cologne or perfume? What the hell? I have fantasies about grabbing them and pouring my water on them....but I hold back.

This was my very favorite "Healthy Heart" class. They all look innocent enough.....
Then you have the scantly clad exercisers. These people drive me insane. The women primp and preen in the mirrors before taking a step into the gym and you know they have spent a ton of time coordinating their tanks with their yoga pants. They are wearing teeny tiny bra tops; baring their midsection then they complain that some guy has been giving them the eye ever since they walked in. Sorry ladies...I'm not "blaming the victim" but I do think an established dress code is necessary to avoid these show boaters. I dont' need to see your deltoids or rectus abdominus...please cover that up.

I'm standing on the left beaming with pride as I get my photo
taken with the two of my  mentors. Oh..how I wanted to be
just like them. Just the fact I taught the warm up with them on
stage was enough to keep me going for the entire year!
The grunters are my favorite. We have a handful of men in the gym who literally grunt so loud you would think they are dropping a set of twins. Seriously, if I sat down to my machine and started grunting like that what do you think would happen? I'm pretty close to trying it. I understand the science and psychology around power lifting and muscle building and if you have to grunt like that...you're probably doing it wrong. The grunting is usually coupled with a really red face followed by a dropping of the weights that makes a noise so loud I swear I will pop an eardrum soon. God love their pointy little heads.

It's no wonder most people cannot stand this environment. The gym environment is one of the most peculiar to observe, to smell, and listen to. It's not for the faint of heart (pardon the pun). Although for now, as it is snowing outside and there is no way I'm going out there, the gym is my only option.  So I still ask the question.....how the hell am I going to pry my ass off this chair?


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