Ya. That's right. For two months I was eating so well and on the paved (not gravelled) road to habitual permanence until that stupid, yet fateful, night when I was feeling mentally unstable (I blame this cold I can't shake...but whatever). To this point, I had lost 23 pounds in my two years of learning how to eat better (and blogged about it along the way). But this night was to be my biggest fall from the wagon to date....read on if you dare.
I sliced a quarter of my double layered creation and sucked it back before I could make it to the couch. Feeling nothing, I got up and did it again. It was like having an out of body experience; I saw myself doing it but was unable to stop myself from scarfing down almost 1/3 of my lop-sided quick fix. I felt elation and self loathing at the same time! Oh, what was to become of me?
|Don't make that face! You |
have judgement written all
I honestly don't know if I should continue this story for fear of being rejected or worse...you never read my blog again. Be assured, this takes a great amount of courage to admit and I'm only doing it to prove the point that everyone (no matter their occupation or expertise) has a dark side - mine is just covered in chocolate icing and sitting in a plastic bag in the kitchen garbage can....(no judgement). If I can just help one person with my story of desperation than all public humilitation I experience will be worth it.
Anyway, here it goes....
|It's over. You can look now.|
At any rate, the sun rose again the next day and all was well at the Cameron residence (after pouring dish soap in the bag). What made me do it? Perhaps I'll never know. Will I do it again? I can't promise anything. All I know is that, on average, I eat a healthy diet rich in vegetables and light on junk....if half a vanilla cake with chocolate icing gets in there on occasion it's not going to kill me.....it will only make me stronger, right?
Meanwhile...let's just keep this between us.