April 14, 2011

I'm Jumping (not falling) Off the Wagon

Man..this woman looks
happy! I wish I could look
as pretty as she does...I'd be
more like a Pit Bull tearing
into a new Rawhide.
I gotta be honest. I locked myself in a bathroom stall at work today and just sat there with my head in my hands sick of everything. I'm sick of exercise, sick of eating well, sick of saying and doing the right thing, sick of drinking in moderation and sick of getting (or at least trying to get) 8 hours of sleep a night. I want to jump off my wagon and make love to a large bowl of hot buttered popcorn, chase it back with a Grape Crush (yes...Grape Crush...don't judge me) and then follow that with a chocolate cake with vanilla icing and a fork. Yes, I would say I'm just a little emotional today.

Not unlike another client of mine recently who, after creating a few goals for herself last week, completely "fell" of her wagon feeling very defeated when I met with her. Her question was a brilliant one...."How did this happen?" How, when the drive to eat well is there, does the binging start when we know we shouldn't be doing it. At what point is the point of no return? My answer? I have no frickin clue.  I don't know if it is hormonal or the headache I have had for three days. I don't know if it is because I am tired that I feel like eating a chocolate bar the size of my arm or if it is boredom.  All I know is emotional eating is more powerful than we ( I ) give it credit for.

For today I wish I could just jump off my wagon and pig out on whatever I wanted ....without any regret later or negative consequences (i.e. having to lie down and wriggle around on the ground for my pants to do up). How does one shake this mental fuzziness to get back the motivation, drive, and appreciation for healthy eating and physical activity? I mean, come on! This is what I do for a living. I blog about it, speak about it, practice it, love it, live it, and study it. Yet today....I can't stand it......maybe I just need to get away.

Um...yeah...this is the antithesis
of what I'm feeling at the moment.
The sun would shine, the birds
would sing, and I would look way
better with a tub of Chunky Monkey
and a fork in my hand.
At any rate, I felt it was important to share this with you as a way to drive home the point that no matter who you are or what you do for a living....we all have our bad days.  Although I can't explain why these wagon accidents happen, I can offer some words of advice. Do not beat yourself up about it or think negative thoughts about yourself. The important thing is to pick yourself off the floor, dust off the crumbs, clean up the wrappers, and wipe the chocolate smear from your mouth.  Re-start your quest for healthy living once again. 
It may take; it may not, but don't give up entirely....keep at it. Learn from your wagon accidents and keep taking tiny steps forward.

In the meantime, I am going to be very careful as not to bump into a bag of Doritos on the way home. I will indulge in a healthy snack item from my menu (i.e. yam chips) and list all the things I am grateful for. I have taken the day off tomorrow and will walk in the woods, talk with a friend, take a nap, have a bath, and eat well. I promise, the next time I blog ..I will be in better spirits.

Until then.....screw the carrot, enjoy a Twinkie (well...let's not go crazy...even in my state of semi unconsciousness I would never eat something one molecule away from plastic.....not that there's anything wrong with that)


  1. There must be something in the air. I feel the same way lately... Not that I eat as well as you, but I generally have a pretty healthy diet. The past two or three weeks, I've been wanting to eat nothing but crap. I ate some broccoli yesterday and it felt like poison.

  2. Hey Chris;
    Thanks for that fabulous post. I hope you are doing great. I'm kinda glad I'm in good company here. Perhaps we are just fed up with the crappy weather???? Sorry to hear about your adverse reaction with the broccoli. If you aren't emotionally up to it, veggies can be hazardous.
    Keep a positive outlook and have faith you will come out the other side without too much of a junk food addiction.
    Have a great weekend!!

  3. You. Are. Hilarious. I hope this post goes viral.

  4. Kathi, It's like meditating. You follow the breath and then a few moments later you realize you've been thinking about your email or how you need to cut your toenails. Then, you get back to the breath. We can only start again!!

    Thanks for your great posts.


  5. Thanks for the posts, Jenn and Allison...
    The breath suggestion is always a good one...unless you do it downwind from a bakery or pizza place.

    You are very welcome and thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply. It always makes my day to get one (or two).