December 20, 2010

A Weekend of Baking Debauchery

...sure, it looks innocent enough!
I don't know where to begin. I have to be honest, I'm feeling like a complete dufus this morning as I slowly wake up from my butter icing and sugar coma.  Before I begin, I should mention the fact that I have never celebrated Christmas like so many others do. You know, the big tree, Christmas baking everywhere, family and friends over for visits, sipping egg nog (one word or two?) by the crackling fire....that sorta thing.

So this Christmas, with the theme of eating whole foods, I decided to bake instead of buy. At least with baking you know that it is real butter and sugar...right?...(at least that is what I told myself as I loaded the shopping cart with chocolate chips and cream).  So this weekend, I set out to bake sugar cookies, gingerbread cookies, fudge, and caramels (with a little help from a few tweens I know). I learned that if you melt chocolate & peanut butter chips with sweetened condensed milk you end up with love in a pot. I also learned that when you blend butter with sugar and flour (basically) and cover it in caramel icing with sprinkles, the clouds part, the birds sing, and there is peace in the least in my world. I had no idea what could be created in a kitchen.

When I close my eyes...this is all
I see now. Make it stop!
I also had no idea what eating a combination of butter, sugar, chocolate, and sweetened condense milk can do to your fat cells (note: I do have an undergraduate degree in Kinesiology and have done the legwork...). I woke up feeling creamy, sweetened, bloated, and covered in icing. I swear, my brain has little bits of sprinkles and butter stuck to it and my arteries are coated in fudge. I actually screamed this morning as the needle, on the bathroom scale, moved to a number higher than I had seen since the spring.  Although we only enjoyed a small percentage of what we made (the rest is stored in a container in my freezer and will be escorted to my man-friend's freezer with haste when I get home tonite) I feel sick. I feel like throwing myself down on the dirt like Scarlet O-Hara and yelling to the sunset..."Whyyyyyyyyyyyy! Whyyyyyyyy!" instead of "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

No..the other Food Guide.
As per usual, my role in life is serving as a cautionary tale for others to learn from. My education and experience as a health promoter and behaviour change specialist, although useful to others, is wasted on me.  However, I won't be kicking my sugar cookie bum to the curb or beating my fudgey brain against the wall. I will just do what I have done before and go home, clean out my cupboards of any evidence of my baking debauchery, and fill them up with whole, healthful food. I will eat predominantly vegetables and follow the food guide's recommendations for serving sizes. I know what to do and I will get back to doing it with a smile because I know when I wake up again tomorrow I will be one step further to a healthier lifestyle.............that is, until Christmas eve when all hell breaks  loose again.

THAT is what Real Life Health is all about.....knowing how to get back to it, when you "fall off your wagon". Because, as humans, we will all fall off our wagon at some point.

That's all I got. Happy Monday before Christmas.

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