November 19, 2010

Screw Health Promotion....I NEED Cake!

I have a dream...

Of course, this is not to scale, but you
get the amazingly tasty idea....
One day, I will bake myself a chocolate cake, cover it with two cans of vanilla icing and take the entire work of art (and promise of pure ecstasy) to the living room with a fork. From there, I will start from the middle and eat my way through the whole thing until the room is coated with a purple haze of happiness. Of course, the reality of this dream would include performing the entire exercise with the blinds closed and suffering through the feelings of guilt and gut torcher later on. I have always wanted a "have my cake and eat it too" party, but it has never materialized. To this day, I hold onto my dream like a mother ape holds onto her newborn ape-baby (I have no idea where it comes from...but I believe I need counselling).  Of course, my health and fitness counterparts reading this will go blind with the horror of what I have just admitted to....but I'm not afraid.....sort of....maybe a little...

I believe my passion for deviant eating
behaviour started at an early age....
As a health promoter, I take my role seriously. I believe role modeling is one of the most important aspects of effective leadership. If I'm not eating veggies, I can't talk about the importance of eating veggies. I have put myself through every behaviour change strategy I talk about. I have gone through the weight loss process, the enhanced communication and frustration management thing and  have cultivated this (somewhat) pristine diet and exercise regime that I never seem to de-rail from....until now.

All I want to do is say "screw it!" and sit on my UVic sweatpant- covered bum watching a DVD box set of some really cheesy HBO series all day as I make love to nachos and cheese and drink a nice (glass) of red wine...perhaps throw in some brie and crackers.  Is this burnout or the beginnings of a breakdown? Do health promoters have breakdowns or am I a special case? Perhaps I'm in the wrong profession? Is this normal? What the meaning of life? Am I asking too many questions?

...but the overwhelming feelings of
guilt soon followed.....
I have done some pretty "interesting" things in the kitchen (perhaps leaning towards twisted) under the (emotional) influence.  Only those who take my "Weight Wellness" courses really know the truth (and have been sworn to secrecy).  Of course, I'm referring to those crazy things one does as a result of emotional eating. It would be kinda like the scene from "The Women" where Meg Ryan's character (after kicking her cheating husband to the curb) takes a brick of butter and dips it into a bowl of sugar and takes a big bite! ....Okay, I haven't done something that bad before...but there's time.

...a time in my life I'm not proud of...
I have no real theme to this blog today except for the fact that I thought it would be (somewhat) helpful to share these feelings with my one reader because of the common beliefs and expectations of those in my profession. When I walk into a room at work, many people hide their Pepsi or fries for fear of judgement. When I host a bake sale or "Health by Chocolate" talk, I always experience the shock and awe of people at the fact I would be talking about such subject matter, not unlike a nun shunning religion to party with Satan. I'm just sayin' that knowing and doing are sometimes two very different things...even for those in the profession of health. That being said....when you do come up against a few days of "what the hell?" sometimes it is necessary to just eat the cake and suffer the consequences.

That's all I'm sayin'.

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